Lost
by Solora Goldsun
Summary: Kevin cannot control his actions. What's going on? 'I don't want to be a monster! Not again! Not this time! Please! Let me go' Takes place during The Forge of Creation.


**AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH! I HATE BEING RIGHT! HATE IT HATE IT HATEIT! *pant* Ahem...those who have read my Aether fic know that I predicted that Kevin would turn evil again before the end of the season...**

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**WHY COULDN'T I HAVE BEEN WRONG? GOSH FREAKING DARNIT IN FLIPPING HECK, SON OF A BISCUIT! My excitement at seeing Heatblast, classic Fourarms, and Stinkfly was immediately NULLIFIED! Little Ben, you FREAKING WEASEL! WHY DID YOU TELL KEVIN TO ABSORB? And Kevin...stupid stupid Kevin... WHY DID YOU LISTEN? You knew FULL WELL what was gonna happen! And Little Ben... DON'T GO YELLING AT HIM! YOU TOLD HIM TO! *takes deep breath* You remember my reaction to when Kevin and Gwen kissed? Well, imagine that except replace the happy fangirl with a rageful dragon! NYARGH! *finds something random and starts hitting it* … I think I killed another fluff bunny... AW! They're all dead anyway! I'm just gonna type!**

KEVIN'S POV

'No...don't do it...' He's weak. His head isn't working properly. The kid just woke him up. Told him to absorb.

'Yes...you want to...' A soft, sinister voice hisses in his mind. 'The power...the possibilities...think of how it was before...'

He is telling the kid that he's going to absorb the Ultimatrix. That means more power. That means...more...insanity...

'No!' Kevin can feel himself walking toward the fallen form of his best friend. 'I don't want to be a monster! Not again! Not this time! Please! Let me go!'

'You don't really want me to. If you did, you wouldn't be doing this.' The voice has a hint of amusement now. 'You want the power as much as I do.'

'I don't want power! I don't need it! I want Ben! I want Gwen! Don't do this to me!' If Kevin was fully in control, he would be weeping. True, he always said that it was wimpy to weep, but he'd still be weeping. 'I beg you...' He would never stoop this low... 'Let me be... Let me go... I don't want to lose my mind...' He could see Gwen out of the corner of his eye. He yearns to go to her. But he can't. This new force isn't even giving him the courtesy of letting him turn his head for one last look... One last human glimpse at the one he loves... He is extending his hand. 'No...'

'YES!' His hand grasps the Ultimatrix. A hot burning sensation shoots up his arm from the palm of his hand. His fingertips are as cold as ice. Water is creeping through his veins. Ice jolts up his spine. Fire...such fire... He can feel his feet like roots in the ground. If he was on real earth, he would feel the sweet, blissful connection to the dirt and trees. He can nearly feel the wind in his heart. He's free! He's strong!

'I'm lost...' Kevin stares out of a pair of alien eyes. He sees himself holding out a green Taedenite arm. Flashbacks fly through his mind one after another.

Turning the first time.

The greed.

The power.

The fear.

The longing.

The hatred...oh the hatred...

He is picking up Aggregor. Kevin realizes what's going to happen right before it does. 'No more! Please! No more!' He can't even choke on the sob rising in his mind. Not his throat. He doesn't control that anymore. This demon inside him takes no heed, taking even more. Giving him more...taking more from him...giving...taking...

Endless cycle...

Never ending...

'I can't win!' Kevin thinks mournfully.

"Kevin! That's enough!"

'Ben?' He spins around. For a moment, he is grateful that he is allowed to see them... Then he sees the way they're looking at him. They're angry. Disgusted. He can't look at Gwen. The other force's eyes are locked on Ben. He can hear his voice saying hateful words. 'Shut up! Shut up!' He hears angry replies. 'Ben! Help me! Help me!' He puts as much effort into it as he can, but the words don't pass his lips.

'He served his purpose!' The possessor snarls. 'We don't need him anymore!'

'_I_ do!' Another voice shouts out. Gwen! Kevin silently prays that he will turn his head...just a little... Yes! He can see her. Oh...she's beautiful...always beautiful...even now, when he's scared out of his mind...

'Too controlling...too much trouble...' He's shouting back at that troublesome red haired girl.

'Stop it!' The hurt is plain on Gwen's face. He feels it like a stab to his heart. 'I love you! Gwen, I love you!' He can't get it out of his mouth. The force acting on him is too strong! 'Just let me say that I love her! Please!'

The parasite doesn't even answer. He can hear a faint chuckling echoing throughout his soul. It thinks he's an imbecile.

'Well maybe I am...' Kevin admitted. 'Maybe I'm the stupidest person on the face of the earth. I don't care though! You're NOT going to hurt them! You're NOT!' He feels his own control returning to his limbs. He manages to meld his vocal chords with those of this awful force.

He's saying that he'll do it Ben's way for now. It's the best he can do. He exerts the last ounce of control he can muster so he can fly away. Flap, flap, flap. With each stroke, he moves further away from his friend. His love. His brother. His angel. Ben and Gwen. He cannot see them anymore. He feels his control waning. He is exhausted. Just before he loses consciousness and surrenders completely, his tear ducts create a single drop of salty water.

The tear floats off of his face and drifts away in endless space. One mark of sadness in a world of infinite nothing.

Drifting further away...forever moving...

Forgotten.

Forsaken.

Lost.

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**I...just... That...was an Angst fic. I just wrote an Angst/Tragedy fic. Me. I wrote something that is the complete opposite of what I stand for... GAAAAAHHHHH! MAN OF ACTION MADE ME WRITE ANGST! NOOOOO! *starts slamming a metal bar into skull* Many fluffy bunnies died before, during, and after the making of this fic! Hopefully, when you see me again, I will be relatively stable. *twitch* KEVIN! WAAAHH! If you stay evil, I'll always remember you for saying: "When two constellations love each other very much..." Peace out, Prince of Awesome! Review but don't flame. I can't afford to take in any more negativity... Or I may get Angstitis...I think I already have it... NOOOO!**


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